Stop and think

I used to think I was a friendly person. I might have actually been friendly at one time. I'm not sure what happened to me along the way, but I have found myself being very standoffish and even rude to people lately.... I guess in the last couple of years, actually. Recently, because I am working in retail and because I am back in college and meeting new people, I have started trying to think about the reasons why I have changed so much.

I think I have a bad habit of being cranky. Most "bad habits" come naturally, or at least, they come easily. We do them without even thinking. So, to make changes, that is to say, turn bad habits into good habits, requires effort. Lots of effort. We naturally tend to avoid effort where ever and when ever we can. Thus making it hard.

It's a fact of life, people grow, they evolve. People change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not. Sometimes they grow up, sometimes they grow apart, sometime they just outgrow their lives. I have had a few long term relationships in my life. Relationships are hard work. I am 36 years old, divorced three times and very, very single. I have obviously never had a successful relationship. I think most of the problems I had in each of my relationships and marriages could have been fixed with communication--- only two of them I'm sure could not have been. I tried it with both of them through professional services, but it didn't work. I never tried with the rest of them. I was too young or too stupid or too stubborn. Maybe I thought I was superior and far smarter than the other. Or it could have been because I wasn't trying to live right... But that's another blog in itself.

However; for the record, I have several long term friendships that have lasted longer than most marriages! My best friends have all been my friends for at least 15 years. Minimum. I somehow am able to communicate effectively with these people. We have grown together, we're still in tune with each other after all these years. My friends amaze me. I have my great friends here in Fort Smith and Van Buren and Greenwood that I wouldn't trade for the world and I have my great friends in Russellville that if I go a month without seeing them, I start to go through withdrawals. We talk every day. Sometimes about nothing, but always about everything.

I am working now on myself. I have decided I need to take a new approach with communication and people. I always go on the defensive when a customer or acquaintance uses a harsh approach... A facial expression or a certain word will set me on fire. I am trying now to listen without judging based on the tone or expression of other people. I try to imagine how I would deal with one of my friends if I was having that converstaion with them... if that makes sense. Sometimes, even though I am trying, I still get angry and my eyes roll uncontrollably. But I am TRYING. And when I approach others, I am trying harder to think before I speak. That's the best I can do. I know I'm not perfect, but I am making an effort to break my bad habit of chronic crankiness.

I found a quote by Oliver Wendall Holmes, who was named to the United States Supreme Court in 1902 by Theodore Roosevelt. He must have been a very wise man, as I have run across several quotes from him throughout the last several years. This one is my favorite: "Speak clearly, if you speak at all; carve every word before you let it fall."

Makes ya stop and think a little bit....

Grounded!

So I am home tonight for the first time in a few days. I always get "grounded" when the weather turns off bad. Anytime there's a threat of frozen precipitation, my dad insists I pack up a few days worth of work clothes and the kid's stuff and stay with them.

My boy packed his own bag--- the clothes I laid on his bed for him to pack were still laying there when I told him to get ready to go. He had chosen the biggest backpack in the house (and as a girl with a bag fetish, we have plenty to choose from) and he had packed ALL TOYS. Star Wars, Pokemon, DS games, you name it. It was in the bag.

And I say I'm told to pack "work clothes" because no matter HOW BAD the weather is, my dad will make DARN SURE I get to work.

Grrrr.

Monday afternoon, my evening class was cancelled. I was thrilled since it's Accounting and I wasn't really prepared anyway. I went to my sister's across the street and had coffee and whipped her at Uno. Ha! Yeah, I whipped her, I'm the CHAMP! The weather didn't do much here in Fort Smith, although our neighbors to the north were getting hammered by ice. Power outages and wrecks every where. I almost felt kinda guilty sitting in a nice warm house while I knew thousands of people just 45 miles from me didn't have power. Yesterday, it was just rainy here. But I knew it could get so much worse. We stayed at Mom and Dad's again, because the roads were definitely going to be slick this morning. And they were.

Lucky for me, Dad has a brand new 2009 Chevy with "Traction Control". I have heard from friends with sporty little cars that this thing called Traction Control doesn't work. WELL, my dad would beg to differ: he was like a kid in a candy store every time the light on the dash said it was on. I think he would have happily chauffeured all of Fort Smith to school and work just to see that light come on.

There wasn't much snow and the ice wasn't too thick, but it was enough. No school. Tons of folks called in to work. Shoppers weren't out till the afternoon, so the morning hours were pretty easy at work. My boy enjoyed his two days off from school. I know I enjoyed not having to go to Accounting all week! But, I'm sure it's back to the grind tomorrow.

Sigh.

SNOW DAY!

I was sick during the entire Winter Break from school. I had bought "Twilight" to read over the break, I had waited on some projects that needed to be done around the house (like cleaning and finishing unpacking the last few boxes from the move a few months back) and I was soooooo looking forward to being out of school for a few weeks and spending time with my boy.

But, instead, I was sick. I had no energy and felt like complete poo. I did absolutely nothing but work and sleep. And I only went to work because otherwise, I would be homeless. And that would SUCK.

I have been stressed since school started back because it felt like I was going straight through from one semester to the next without a day off. The past couple of weeks, every time the weather would get cold, I would cross my fingers and pray for a snow day. Just so I could read and relax and do something besides homework.

Tonight is the night, Baby! Snow Day! Classes are cancelled tonight and I am as giddy as a little girl. I don't know what I am going to do tonight but it's gonna be great.... Except for the fact that I have to stay at my parents house because they won't let me drive on anything resembling ice (they know they'd have to help me pay my deductible. It's in their best interest, financially.) I am going to have a good night. Might even blog something interesting and worth reading!

McWeekend!

Hello again!

I'm in the middle of my weekend. It's actually not really a weekend, since I do have to go to class tomorrow, but at least I don't have to go to work, too. I'm off from work on Sundays and Mondays. Sunday is my ME day. I sleep in (till 8) and take my time leisurely enjoying my coffee and relaxing.

My friend, Yvonne, came to spend the night last night. I got off work at 5 and we met at the house, changed clothes and hit the town. We ate a phenomenal dinner at MarketPlace followed by a trip to the mall. Yes, the mall. On a Saturday night. I think we were the oldest people in there, BUT, we had a great time. The little old lady working at Dillard's was entertaining. We tried on every jacket on every clearance rack and giggled like little girls. She scored the find of the evening- it was a GORGEOUS soft and furry silvery-gray swing jacket. I Loved it. If I was a size smaller (or the jacket was a size bigger, grrrrr....) I would have demanded ownership. We found a lot of stuff we both drooled over, but we didn't buy anything else. I mostly whined about not having a job where I could dress up and wear cute silvery-gray fuzzy jackets. Navy shirts and khaki pants get kinda old after a while....

Anyway, our next point of business was hair color. We went to the nearest Walmart* on a hunt for a highlight kit. On our way through the store, we saw Star Wars sheets and blankets... My boy is a Star Wars FANATIC. So he is now the proud owner of a Clone Wars sheet set and throw blanket, courtesy of tag team shoppers, Yvonne and me. He's thrilled. Onward to the HBA department. We found the highlight kit and headed to my house for some late night beauty shop fun.

The highlights turned out really pretty. I tried to take a picture to post, but it didn't do them justice. They're a pretty coppery/caramel color. They look really pretty mixed into her dark brown hair.

We then decided we're old, because it was 1AM and we were both yawning.

This morning after sleeping in till 10, Yvonne checked her throat and decided she has a case of strep brewing. We weren't gonna let that slow us down, though. We went to Target and lunch at Subway anyway! I hated to see her leave Fort Smith, but she needed to get back. And I need to get started on some homework....

I haven't been online much this weekend, but when I did get on, I saw a few status updates about homework and classes.... One in particular from a girl in two of my classes. These are one-credit hour classes that require an ungodly amount of homework. Seriously, after finishing the assignments last week, I want to QUIT. I could see that my friend was feeling that way this weekend, too. I'm going to get started on this week's work and probably need to blog again later just to vent!

All in all, I'm having a great weekend. Lots of laughs, good food, good friends. I'm sure I'm about to ruin my good mood with some homework, though. Ha! I wish I could be a lady of leisure and not have to work so I could have this euphoric feeling all the time, but alas, I am a poor single mommy so... :) It's all good.

First blog...

Welcome!

Welcome to my first blog. I am sure there will be many typos, so sit back, ignore the mess and enjoy the ride.

I have been wanting to start a blog for a long time. I confess, I have piddled around in the Myspace blog a few times. I shared some funny stories, I vented and let off some steam and I blogged out of sheer boredom. But it didn't feel official and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't do it often enough to make it matter.

My life has become CRAZY BUSY in the last few months. Last Summer, I started realizing I wasn't where I wanted to be in my life. At age 36, I still had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up.... And well, I figured it was kinda time to make my mind up and do something. I decided to enroll in college again. I chose the Associate degree called Administrative Professional and Office Technology with an emphasis in Human Resources simply because it was the closest degree program I could find that I was comfortable with... I have basically been doing this for 15 years, I might as well get a degree in it and see if I can make some money at it. The first semester was a phenomenal experience. I made the Dean's List with a 3.75 GPA. I can't even remember making the Honor Roll in high school, so making the Dean's List was a huge accomplishment for me!

I am now two weeks into the second semester and all I can say so far is two down, 14 to go... This is going to be a rough one! I know college is meant to be hard and challenging, but with a full time job and a full time kid and being a full time student, it's so challenging that I am questioning my ability to follow through. Hence: the blog. Here you will read about my life (boring/insane as it may be) and hopefully you can share some laughs and possibly even provide some inspiration to me. I need it.